Have Yourself a Depression-free Christmas
Depression, anxiety, suicide, and mental illness, in general, are not popular topics of conversation in black families. So when you're black and sharing a life with one of these mother f-ers, it can be a very lonely world. And with the way we tend to avoid these topics as a country, it can be a few steps past lonely, a leap across overwhelming, and just plain unbearable. And holiday season can add a little salt to your hidden wound(s).
Personal Struggle
My family is filled with mental illnesses - from bipolar disorder to drug addiction to ptsd - but we don't discuss it much. So fittingly, I've struggled with depression since I was very young (due to unexpected, unfortunate events), never really brought it up, and didn't handle it well. Fast forward to middle school, I started testing the alcoholic waters, thinking my friends and I were fun and cool. I went to a park with a couple friends and drank probably two-thirds of a bottle of flavored-vodka in less than 10 minutes. I thought it'd black me out just enough to forget for awhile and have a fun night. WRONG...I ended up on my doorstep, dragged inside by my livid mom (this part mostly narrated to me by my brothers, because I was clearly blacked out). My mom couldn't even look at me for weeks, let alone talk to me. I can only remember one of my brothers whispering "I love you. You'll be okay." before I passed out for good that night. To this day, no one ever asked 'WHY?', 'why drink so much?', or 'what's wrong?'. The black way of raising is more to scare you straight and forget it ever happened.
This Year's Losses
In the famous world, we've lost the incredibly talented, but clearly (or maybe not-so-clearly) hurting Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington to suicide. Less well-known, but certainly just as missed, a hilarious, beautiful, talented young lady I went to high school with left us by suicide. Countless others are lost every day with an increasing rise in deaths by suicide. But still, we stay silent, say "I didn't know".
A Helping Hand...or Ear
Coming from personal experience, I find others to feel one, two, or all three emotions: 1) Awkward, 2) Uncomfortable/sad, and/or 3) they think I'm being funny - that last one being the most annoying. BUT I own my depression and other issues like I own my favorite grandma sweaters: no shame. And even if I get a vibe that someone is uneasy about my "issues", I continue to talk about it. And if you or someone you know needs an ear, I don't have much of a life, so I'm always here to listen.
If your family this holiday season adds to your stress, depression, or anxiety, take some important time for yourself. Or while you're enjoying a loving, pleasant holiday with yours, think of someone who may not be, and maybe check on them.
"...the knowledge that one day, things will change, because they have to. And it has to start somewhere..."
- Seretse Khama (played by David Oyelowo), A United Kingdom
As someone who is also black, suffers with a mood-related disorder and who openly talks about it... this post resonated with me!
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself this holiday season. I hope you have a good one. xoxo
You're post spoke volumes to me. It's sad the mental illness is so prevalent in black communities but the glaring signs of them ignored. I have never understood it. The obvious cries for help always falls on deaf ears. But this post gave me the strength to talk about my own experience with chronic depression.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad my post could give you that courage and strength to be open about your own experiences and depression! Thank you for reading! Bless you!
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